When Brother's Away
by A Wandering Storyteller
Summary: Here's a lesson for everyone: Never leave anything private out in the open. Ed has to learn this the hard way...
1. Chapter 1

**A/N How's everyone? This isn't A Wandering Storyteller, but Rivin shadow. My sister here decided to leave her fanfiction open so I decided there's time for a quick FMA fanfic. Don't worry, I didn't look at your PM'S or anything, Wandy. Don't kill me! :D**

**Ed: She's going to kill you. She has no qualms about killing Tucker. Why would she have a problem with killing you?**

**Rivin: Shut up shorty. (Uses Al as a shield) COME AT ME BRO!**

**Al: Save me brother!**

**Ed: Reviewers, this may get bloody. Neither Wandy nor Rivin shadow own FMA. Now, if you will excuse me… (Becomes angry and chases Rivin) COME BACK HERE YOU TALL ASS BASTARD!**

**_When Brother's Away..._**

Ed sat in his room in Central, groaning at the box-shaped device in front of him. He couldn't believe how stupid everyone on Facebook seemed to be. All of his friends were looking to harm him in some fashion, from stabbing to wrench-throwing. He sighed as he read Winrey's nagging message.

Winry Rockbell: EDWARD ELRIC, WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?! I HAVEN'T HEARD FROM YOU IN AGES! HOW IS YOUR AUTOMAIL, ARE YOU TAKING CARE OF IT! IF I HEAR AS MUCH AS A SQUEAK FROM IT, I WILL DRAG YOU BACK HOME AND BEAT YOUR SORRY ASS WITH A WRENCH SO HARD YOUR AUTOMAIL WILL CRY! So, how's my favorite customer? :D

Ed sat there, afraid for his life. Jim Carey can't save him now. He wrote back, hesitancy in his typing.

Edward Elric: My automail's fine, shiny as ever! Maybe a few dents here or there, but it's okay! I swear there's no reason to beat me.

As soon as he sent the message off, a wrench flew from the computer into Ed's face. The collision was heard for miles.

"OW! WHAT THE HELL WINRY!"

Ed ran out, clutching where the wrench hit him. In his haste to hide, he left his Facebook wide open. Al, forgotten in the corner, walked over to the computer and laughed. He had a plan.

FMA

Ed came back much later, holding ice to his multiple wrench wounds. The house was completely silent.

"Al?"

Ed found a note next to the computer.

.

Ed,

Heard that some man had captured a poor squirrel. Be back tomorrow.

Al

Ed looked at the note curiously. He didn't know his brother to save squirrels from people (or evil reviewers). He sighed, sitting down and looking through his Facebook. What he saw mortified him. Not even Johnny Depp could save him now.

Married to Lust.

He opened the comments, still gaping at the first statement.

Lust: We are NOT married!

Greed: Hahaha good luck with that one kid.

Winry: I'VE GOT A FEW CHOICE WORDS FOR YOU ED. YOU. GRAVESTONE. WRENCH!

AL: ;)

He scrolled down, shaking his head at the next post.

Children: Truth

He started shaking in anger. Whoever thought this was funny…

Lust: You're next on my hit list.

Greed: That's wrong kid.

Truth: As a father to son present, can I have your body?

Winry: Ed… what are you smoking and why aren't you sharing?

The next post caused him to crush his mouse, throw on his coat and break the door down as he left.

Edward Elric: Hacked by Alphonse Elric. Have fun, brother. :D

**A/N This'll teach my sister to stay logged on. Or it'll bite me in the ass later.**

**So how is it? Please R&R and check out Stupid Truth! By Ilvhstry. Reviewing that story may save me from a couple of bruises. Till next time!**

**Where shadows lie, darkness follows.**

**Rivin shadow**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Hey everyone it's me, Rivin shadow! I don't think Wandy has learned her lesson yet, so it's another FMA story to her page!**_

_**Ed: Dear God, when will it end? **_

_**Rivin: Aww come on, shorty. Tired of me already?**_

_**Ed: I AM NOT SHORT YOU TALL ASS BASTARD!**_

_**Rivin: Riza, if you would…**_

_**Riza: With pleasure, sir. (Draws her gun to shoot Ed.)**_

_**Ed: HOLY SHIT! (Runs around in circles).**_

_**Rivin: Can you do the honor, Al?**_

_**Al: Wandy and Rivin do not own us or the song used.**_

_**Rivin: ON WITH THE SHOW!**_

* * *

_** When Brother's Away...**_

Tucked away in Central, two boys stood in their apartment. The shorter of the two looked worriedly into a mirror, adjusting his shirt and turning to his 'little' brother.

"Al, how do I look?" He asked the suit of armor.

"You look fine brother. I'm sure Winry will like what you've done to yourself." Al told his brother.

"Thanks Al. Now remember, I'm coming home with her. So I want you to be gone by the time were here." Ed reminded

"Of course brother." Al sighed dejectedly.

"Oh, I almost forgot. Make sure to set iTunes to play some soft music for when we get back!"

"Geez brother, trying to get laid?" Al muttered

"What was that?" Ed asked in an annoyed tone.

"Nothing brother! Go meet Winry before she wrenches you!" Al pushed him out the door.

Ed sighed, thinking about how weird Al had been acting ever since Ed started dating. The door closed, leaving Al to chuckle as he looked at the iTunes account. Time for some fun.

**FMA FTW!**

Ed and Winry came through the door, laughing at a joke Ed made. A note leaned against the computer screen, Winry written across the front. Ed walked over to the computer, ignoring the note and clicking play for iTunes. Nothing could ruin his evening now.

Except, of course, the song that came on.

_There was an old farmer  
who lived on a rock  
He sat in the meadow  
just shaking his_

_Fist at some boys  
who were down by the crick  
their feet in the water  
their hands on their_

Needless to say, Ed was mortified. Who could have done this tonight, of all nights?

_Marbles and playthings  
And at half past four  
There came a young lady  
She looked like a_

_Pretty young creature_  
_She sat on the grass_  
_She pulled up her dress_  
_And she showed them her_

Winry pulled out a wrench and hit Ed, sending him to the floor. She noticed the note, picking it up and opening it.

_Ruffles and laces  
And white fluffy duck  
She said she was learning  
A new way to_

Bring up her children  
So they would not spit  
While the boys in the barnyard  
Were shoveling

She broke out into a fit of giggles, helping Ed off the floor. _. /lyrics/a/arrogant_worms/the_assumption_ ]_

_Refuse and litter  
From yesterday's hunt  
While the girl in the meadow  
Was rubbing her_

_Eyes at the fellow_  
_Down by the dock_  
_He looked like a man_  
_With a sizable_

_Home in the country  
With a big fence out front  
And if he asked her politely  
She'd show him her_

_Little pet dog  
Who was subject to fits  
And maybe she'd let him  
Grab hold of her_

_Small tender hand_  
_With a movement so quick_  
_And then she'd bend over_  
_And suck on his_

_Candy, so tasty_  
_Made of butterscotch_  
_And then he'd spread whipped cream_  
_All over her_

_Cookies that she had_  
_Left out on her shelf_  
_If you think this is dirty_  
_You can go fuck yourself!_

Winry handed Ed the note, giggling as he read it.

_Winry,_

_This song was a joke on my part. Ed really does care for you, I just wanted to make a joke of sorts. Hope his reaction made you laugh! Oh, and please burn this before my brother sees it._

_Al_

Ed crushed the note in his automail hand. His brother was going to regret this once he found him.

* * *

_**Rivin: I was tempted to put beelz by Stephan lynch or something weird Al but I was scrounging the universe of YouTube and I found this! And I found it hilarious and fitting. **_

_**Ed: Al, why would you do that to me?!**_

_**Al: I'm sorry brother, but I was told to! I thought it was funny and you and win-**_

_**Rivin: (puts a hand over AL's mouth) Shh! That's the finale for when Wandy learns her lesson!**_

_**Learned your lesson yet, Wandy? Look forward to that revenge you keep going on about!**_

_**Where shadows lie darkness follows**_

_**Rivin shadow **_


End file.
